Emileeeeee always had problems with love.From her parents to whom ever took the time to love her.She never trusted anyone and refused to believe anyone could love her.Why would they want to love her? She always believed she was in fact defective merchandise from the day she was born. Wasn't her mother rushed out of the hospital a few days after she came into this world and sent to a dark far away place for two years with a nervous breakdown ?
She had always heard whispers of 'hard birth' 'troubled childbirth' and "was in no shape to look after a child".The first thing Emileeeeee ever remembered was that she was brought to a cold dark hospital where her mother was sitting on her cold dark iron bed playing solitaire.They plopped Emileeeeee on the end of the bed even though children were not allowed and hoped her mother would remember her.Her mother looked coldly at her and started screaming wildly to get her out.
"Get this ugly child out of here" she screamed at the top of her voice.
From that day on that is all Emileeeeee wanted to do.Well,maybe not really kill herself because that would hurt a lot wouldn't it? But maybe just threaten, or attempt it because maybe she would get some love and attention then wouldn't she?
At age 5 her mother came home from the hospital one day and she looked at her mother and turned around and packed her little brown leather suitcase with her doll and some cookies.She told her mother she was leaving home because she had never heard her mother say 'I love you". Her mother began to cry and pleaded with Emileeeeee to stay as she marched out the door.She walked across the driveway and walked up the street to her mother's friends house. She stood there with her suitcase in hand and promptly told Joan that she was going to live there from now on.
Her mother called Joan many times that day crying and finally got Emileeeeee to go home.She told Emileeeeee over and over that night that she loved her and would never leave her.The next day her mother was rushed to the hospital again.She was there for another year and so sick Emileeeeee never heard her say I love you for a very long time.
She tried to threaten suicide to her father at age 14 ,while she was sewing mind you. She tried to threaten suicide to her Grammy at age 15 while she was helping with the Legion mocha cakes.But, let's face it asprin isn't the threatening kind of drug.
She couldnt figure out why the kitty kat girls never thought of suicide.Wait, she thought they were WAY over wrought with the dierutetics they took to lose weight .Their brains were probably fried from the all fumes of the Bonne Belle make up they smeared on.And it's never ever a good time to die.
One day when Emileeeeee turned eighteen she broke out in hives.They were over every inch of her body,they would not go away.So she went to the very same hospital that she had been taken to at the age of two to see her mother.There they told her that she had too much responsibility as a child looking after her sister all by herself and she needed drugs.That day Emileeeeee was given 'big girl drugs".No more asprin, no more Midol(not really a suicide drug but the cramps never came back) she could now do damage with the 'big girl drugs".
She tried to talk to her Grammy about it as she was the only person that ever seem to listen.Grammy patiently sat there in her old blue work dress in her over sized plastic covered chair and didnt say a word.After Emileeeeee finished talking her grandmother got up ,shook her head and walked to the kitchen to make Chicken Stew for Two. She said softly to her,
"It's never ever a good time to die."
For the next ten years she used the 'big girl drugs' in suicide attempts.There wasn't a month that didn't go by that she didnt try.She even tried an over dose with Rex Smith singing 'You Take My breath Away' on the record player.Emily had taken so many drugs she could only get up and replace the needle on the song five times.After that she did not remember anything.She was out for two days.It's never ever a good time to die.
She woke up on day 2 and the phone was ringing.Her father was on the line but she could barely hear him.She started to cry and he yelled at her and hung up.She put her overalls on and called a friend stabbing the table with a knife.They came and took her to the hospital where they sent her to a series of 'veggie doctors'.
The veggie doctors were kind but silent.Emileeeeee would sit there for exactly 60 minutes and not a minute longer.She would talk and talk and talk but the veggie doctors never said a word.They just sat there and wrote and wrote and wrote and nodded their head.They would give her lots of pills.Yellow ones,red ones, big ones,small ones ,but nothing helped.They just turned her into a turnip.
She would sit on the couch day in and day out just staring.She had no thoughts, she had no passion ,she was just a turnip.Yes, just a turnip.
The last time Emileeeeee attempted suicide she thought about it.She sat at the river's edge in the car staring at the cold water.She drove down the highway thinking in one split second she could ram right into that transport truck.But all that would hurt wouldnt it? Yes, it would hurt more that the hurt in her heart.It's never ever a good time to die.
So, one last time she tried.She took a whole bottle of Tylenol.A big bottle with a free small jar taped to it.It had been bargained priced.She took it all.This was it.Or was it?
At approximatley 230 am Emileeeeee woke up and ran to the bathroom.She was sick,both ways.Why wasn;t she dead? She look at the bottle and it said 'time released".Great, they were all erupting in her stomach at different times like firecrackers.It's never ever a good time to die.Especially with time released drugs.
For the next 8 hours she was deadly sick.She drove downtown and hid in her store.Her friend Jason called and knew something was up so he called 911.They rushed her to the hospital and put her on an IV for 48 hours.They made her drink charcoal that looked like it came from the bottom of her aquarium and told her maybe this stuff would make her finally stop. Because it's never ever a good time to die.
So she layed there and cried and cried until she had no more tears.
She screamed silently,
"You're a mess Emileeeeee McPheeeeee!"
"Time to deal with this Emileeeeee McPheeeeee"
"Only you can fix this Emileeeeee McPheeeeee"
And she did.
Emileeeeee slowly, yes very slowly fixed herself.No more asprin.No more 'big girl drugs".No more Veggie Doctors". Finally, yes finally after 45 years she pulled herself up by her thigh high socks.Nice ones mind you with ribbons at the top worn casually with high heel shoes.
So,what she learned was to live life and appreciate it and realize not everyone is going to love you.And to heck with them if they don't.So she had a rotten deal as a child.At least she wasn't raised in a gopher hole running away from mad farmers and hoses full of water.She learned to live with nothing because then you will not look for anything else in life."In the end boys and girls" Emileeeeee said as she crawled back into life "It;s only YOU that can help yourself" Because.... it's never ever a good time to die.
Linda Seccaspina
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
The TALES OF EMILEEEEEE MCPHEEEEEE BARBIE AND ME
In Grade 7 something hit Emileeeeee and hit her quite hard. She wanted to become a fashion designer. She wanted to design clothes, not for the masses, not for the people, but for only one person and one person alone. Well, it really wasn't a person; it was a doll. Yes a doll. Barbie. Barbie, you ask? Really??
YES, that Barbie. She wanted to run away to California and go to Mattel and work there forever. Forever, plain and simple. Mind you, she really did not care for Barbie. She thought her much like a Kitty Kat girl with her Kitty Kat blonde hair. She just liked her clothes. Yes, only her clothes. Her teeny tiny clothes that had a waist of 4 inches. Yes 4 inches. In her dreams that is what Emileeeeee wanted to have. A 4 inch waist. Well no, in reality Barbie would be 7'2". Yes, let me spell that out 7 feet 2 inches..That is some BIG girl. Big Girl indeed. Barbie's real life time measurements are a 40" bust, a 22" waist and 36" hips. Perfect Emileeeeee said, PERFECT. Yes, Just pefect.
That summer Emileeeeee and her sister had been "shipped out" to Washington outside of Seattle to stay with her grandparents as her mother had died and her father needed a summer alone. Yes, he needed the summer alone. In the years to come her father needed so much alone time it was not only for the summer but for most of the year. He was the king of alone time, the king of 'shipping out". The very next day after school ended they were put on a train that would travel over 3000 miles and would take five days. Their father gave the conductor five dollars and told him to keep an eye on Emileeeeee and Robin. Just like that. That was pretty cheap baby sitting for five days. What did it work out to? .22222 cents an hour. Now that was a deal! A huge'shipped out' deal!
So for five long days Emileeeeee and her sister Robin, age 8, rode the rails. They rode in the bathroom sized compartment, they rode the fold-out bed, they rode the diner car, they even rode the pint sized commode in their pint sized room. Sometimes for hours and hours on end. Emileeeeeee was sick and she was tired. Tired of the pint sized compartment, tired of the fold out bed, tired of the diner car and especially tired of the commode in their pint sized room.
When they finally arrived, her grandparents waved, they smiled, and they hugged. They looked like they were really happy to see them. Maybe they were and maybe they were not. Her step-grandmother thought Emileeeeee was too round and the minute she saw her said,
"No more food for you!"
Well maybe not "no more" but the words VERY LITTLE were used. Very little indeed. Emileeeeee did not like the sound of that. Very little = hungry and Emileeeeee did not want to be hungry. No not at all. Step-grandmother Winnie was very tough, too tough indeed. She yelled at them from the minute they got up until the minute they went to bed. And when they went to bed Emileeeee heard her yelling at her grandfather about them. Knowing Grampy, Emileeeeee figured he did not listen to her because he only cared about three things. His boxing, his ant farm, and his plaster of paris chalkware creations he made. He either hid in the basement or hid in the garage. He was good at hiding, very good indeed. One day he told Emileeeeee she had to learn to hide too. So one day after eating her approximately one half cup of Lucky Charms cereal, yes just one half cup, she told her sister they had to learn to hide. And hide they did indeed.
So Emileeeeeee and her sister Robin started to walk. They walked half way across the floating bridge,yes only half way because it was too scary. They walked to the park and, best of all, they walked to Dairy Queen. They liked that walk so much they went every day. Every day and every day without fail they would go to Dairy Queen in downtown Mercer Island. She would get a tall cone with lots of chocolate on it. Not one half cup, no way, no way indeed. A large luscious cold dreamy soft ice cream cone with lots of chocolate dribbles.
One day she and Robin were walking down the street and she saw a sign on a bulletin board that said, "FREE BARBIE AND CLOTHES FOR LONELY LITTLE GIRL."
She repeated it over and over. She was thirteen and a little old for Barbie, people would say, but her sister wasn't. No her sister was just the right age. No one would know Robin was only into cars and trucks. No way they would find out.
So without telling her grandparents, she called the number and proceeded to lay it on thick for the woman on the other line. She layed it on thick indeed.
She told her that their mother had just died and they were sent on a train ride alone for 5 days to Seattle. Yes, ALL ALONE. That their grandmother was not really their grandmother and didn't like The Beatles. In fact, she didnt like much of anything. She liked nothing at all. Anyway, Emileeeeee layed it on so thick the woman told her to come over and pick up Barbie and her wardrobe. And did she forget to mention Barbie had her own case? Her own case? Emileeeeee dropped her Dairy Queen cone. Dropped it indeed. Now that was a waste.
They decided to walk to the woman's home but they had no idea that it was in Eastgate. There was no way they could walk that far. No way no how. What to do? What to do?
After walking a mile down the street, they turned around and walked the mile back. They knew they had no choice. If Emileeeeeee wanted that Barbie and tote she was going to have to ask her grandparents. That was scary. Scary indeed.
So that night Emileeeeee was smiling and ate her half cups of food. She never even complained when Winnie cut them a piece of fresh German Chocolate Cake and the slice was no bigger than a whisper. In fact, a whisper was bigger than that slice of cake. Way bigger.
Emileeeeee did the dishes. She did them quietly and did them fast. All of a sudden she spilled grape juice on her step-grandmothers tea towel.
"Oh no", she shrieked.
They would never be able to get Barbie now. It was dark outside,very very dark, what to do, what to do. So Emileeeeee squeezed the wet now purple cloth into a ball and opened the back door. She looked, she thought and she tossed hard and it fell into the bottom of the prickly raspberry bushes. Lost forever, she thought. Who is going to go in there?
So Winnie, after having a few too many glasses of wine after dinner, agreed they could go pick up Barbie and her belongings. Naturally, she yelled at her and Robin and yelled at her grandfather and yelled all the way in the car. She never stopped yelling the whole darn trip.
The lady that had Barbie was super. She was just so darn nice. She even had the original box that Barbie came in. Emileeeeeee had no idea that day that had she kept that doll and that box to this day, well...Let's just say she wouldn't be writing stories right now.
So when they came home Emileeeeee went to her room. She went to her room fast. She tried everything on Barbie while Robin played with her tow truck. For the rest of the 'shipped out' time, she made dresses for Barbie. Lots of dresses and pants. She sewed them with precision...wait..wait...wait..She glued and taped them as that was to be forever her sewing fate.
Her grandmother nevered bothered her again as she was out of sight and out of mind. The day before they were to go back home Emileeeeee packed her Barbie carefully,she packed it with great care. She was almost out of here, yes almost out of there, until...
Her grandfather was yelling, yelling a lot. He was in the back yard and Emily went into great shock. For there was her grandfather; he was shaking his fists and standing quite tall. And in one hand, yes, one hand in the air, was the dish towel that Emileeeee had tossed out weeks ago in the bushes. He wanted to know who had thrown it there and when they had done it. She kept her eyes closed not wanting to see the purple stained towel.It must be atrocious!
Finally she opened her eyes and peered out the window. The towel was not purple nor not even stained. For the dirt and the rain had made it clean. Cleaner that it could ever be. She looked at Barbie and Barbie looked at her. They smiled.
They were finally leaving. Leaving for good, let's hope. They would ride the train for five days in the bathroom sized compartment,in the fold out bed, in the diner car, and have to use the pint size commode in their pint size room. For hours and hours on end.
"But who cares," Emileeeeeee said. She had Barbie and Barbie had her and one day she WOULD be Barbie. That was not a promise, she would try to be like Barbie until she was dead. Stone cold dead.
YES, that Barbie. She wanted to run away to California and go to Mattel and work there forever. Forever, plain and simple. Mind you, she really did not care for Barbie. She thought her much like a Kitty Kat girl with her Kitty Kat blonde hair. She just liked her clothes. Yes, only her clothes. Her teeny tiny clothes that had a waist of 4 inches. Yes 4 inches. In her dreams that is what Emileeeeee wanted to have. A 4 inch waist. Well no, in reality Barbie would be 7'2". Yes, let me spell that out 7 feet 2 inches..That is some BIG girl. Big Girl indeed. Barbie's real life time measurements are a 40" bust, a 22" waist and 36" hips. Perfect Emileeeeee said, PERFECT. Yes, Just pefect.
That summer Emileeeeee and her sister had been "shipped out" to Washington outside of Seattle to stay with her grandparents as her mother had died and her father needed a summer alone. Yes, he needed the summer alone. In the years to come her father needed so much alone time it was not only for the summer but for most of the year. He was the king of alone time, the king of 'shipping out". The very next day after school ended they were put on a train that would travel over 3000 miles and would take five days. Their father gave the conductor five dollars and told him to keep an eye on Emileeeeee and Robin. Just like that. That was pretty cheap baby sitting for five days. What did it work out to? .22222 cents an hour. Now that was a deal! A huge'shipped out' deal!
So for five long days Emileeeeee and her sister Robin, age 8, rode the rails. They rode in the bathroom sized compartment, they rode the fold-out bed, they rode the diner car, they even rode the pint sized commode in their pint sized room. Sometimes for hours and hours on end. Emileeeeeee was sick and she was tired. Tired of the pint sized compartment, tired of the fold out bed, tired of the diner car and especially tired of the commode in their pint sized room.
When they finally arrived, her grandparents waved, they smiled, and they hugged. They looked like they were really happy to see them. Maybe they were and maybe they were not. Her step-grandmother thought Emileeeeee was too round and the minute she saw her said,
"No more food for you!"
Well maybe not "no more" but the words VERY LITTLE were used. Very little indeed. Emileeeeee did not like the sound of that. Very little = hungry and Emileeeeee did not want to be hungry. No not at all. Step-grandmother Winnie was very tough, too tough indeed. She yelled at them from the minute they got up until the minute they went to bed. And when they went to bed Emileeeee heard her yelling at her grandfather about them. Knowing Grampy, Emileeeeee figured he did not listen to her because he only cared about three things. His boxing, his ant farm, and his plaster of paris chalkware creations he made. He either hid in the basement or hid in the garage. He was good at hiding, very good indeed. One day he told Emileeeeee she had to learn to hide too. So one day after eating her approximately one half cup of Lucky Charms cereal, yes just one half cup, she told her sister they had to learn to hide. And hide they did indeed.
So Emileeeeeee and her sister Robin started to walk. They walked half way across the floating bridge,yes only half way because it was too scary. They walked to the park and, best of all, they walked to Dairy Queen. They liked that walk so much they went every day. Every day and every day without fail they would go to Dairy Queen in downtown Mercer Island. She would get a tall cone with lots of chocolate on it. Not one half cup, no way, no way indeed. A large luscious cold dreamy soft ice cream cone with lots of chocolate dribbles.
One day she and Robin were walking down the street and she saw a sign on a bulletin board that said, "FREE BARBIE AND CLOTHES FOR LONELY LITTLE GIRL."
She repeated it over and over. She was thirteen and a little old for Barbie, people would say, but her sister wasn't. No her sister was just the right age. No one would know Robin was only into cars and trucks. No way they would find out.
So without telling her grandparents, she called the number and proceeded to lay it on thick for the woman on the other line. She layed it on thick indeed.
She told her that their mother had just died and they were sent on a train ride alone for 5 days to Seattle. Yes, ALL ALONE. That their grandmother was not really their grandmother and didn't like The Beatles. In fact, she didnt like much of anything. She liked nothing at all. Anyway, Emileeeeee layed it on so thick the woman told her to come over and pick up Barbie and her wardrobe. And did she forget to mention Barbie had her own case? Her own case? Emileeeeee dropped her Dairy Queen cone. Dropped it indeed. Now that was a waste.
They decided to walk to the woman's home but they had no idea that it was in Eastgate. There was no way they could walk that far. No way no how. What to do? What to do?
After walking a mile down the street, they turned around and walked the mile back. They knew they had no choice. If Emileeeeeee wanted that Barbie and tote she was going to have to ask her grandparents. That was scary. Scary indeed.
So that night Emileeeeee was smiling and ate her half cups of food. She never even complained when Winnie cut them a piece of fresh German Chocolate Cake and the slice was no bigger than a whisper. In fact, a whisper was bigger than that slice of cake. Way bigger.
Emileeeeee did the dishes. She did them quietly and did them fast. All of a sudden she spilled grape juice on her step-grandmothers tea towel.
"Oh no", she shrieked.
They would never be able to get Barbie now. It was dark outside,very very dark, what to do, what to do. So Emileeeeee squeezed the wet now purple cloth into a ball and opened the back door. She looked, she thought and she tossed hard and it fell into the bottom of the prickly raspberry bushes. Lost forever, she thought. Who is going to go in there?
So Winnie, after having a few too many glasses of wine after dinner, agreed they could go pick up Barbie and her belongings. Naturally, she yelled at her and Robin and yelled at her grandfather and yelled all the way in the car. She never stopped yelling the whole darn trip.
The lady that had Barbie was super. She was just so darn nice. She even had the original box that Barbie came in. Emileeeeeee had no idea that day that had she kept that doll and that box to this day, well...Let's just say she wouldn't be writing stories right now.
So when they came home Emileeeeee went to her room. She went to her room fast. She tried everything on Barbie while Robin played with her tow truck. For the rest of the 'shipped out' time, she made dresses for Barbie. Lots of dresses and pants. She sewed them with precision...wait..wait...wait..She glued and taped them as that was to be forever her sewing fate.
Her grandmother nevered bothered her again as she was out of sight and out of mind. The day before they were to go back home Emileeeeee packed her Barbie carefully,she packed it with great care. She was almost out of here, yes almost out of there, until...
Her grandfather was yelling, yelling a lot. He was in the back yard and Emily went into great shock. For there was her grandfather; he was shaking his fists and standing quite tall. And in one hand, yes, one hand in the air, was the dish towel that Emileeeee had tossed out weeks ago in the bushes. He wanted to know who had thrown it there and when they had done it. She kept her eyes closed not wanting to see the purple stained towel.It must be atrocious!
Finally she opened her eyes and peered out the window. The towel was not purple nor not even stained. For the dirt and the rain had made it clean. Cleaner that it could ever be. She looked at Barbie and Barbie looked at her. They smiled.
They were finally leaving. Leaving for good, let's hope. They would ride the train for five days in the bathroom sized compartment,in the fold out bed, in the diner car, and have to use the pint size commode in their pint size room. For hours and hours on end.
"But who cares," Emileeeeeee said. She had Barbie and Barbie had her and one day she WOULD be Barbie. That was not a promise, she would try to be like Barbie until she was dead. Stone cold dead.
THE TALES OF EMILEEEEEE MCPHEEEEEE SALADS
Emileeeeee stared down at her salad and sighed. She hated salad and didn't know how anyone could get excited about eating one. She didn't mind a salad that someone else made or offerings in a restaurant. Yes, she could endure that. In fact, sometimes she enjoyed one. But she would seriously prefer to get her food group nutrition from a basic Tootsie Roll Pop than stare down at a plate of shrubbery. Maybe that is why she was as round as a Tootsie Roll Pop. Yes, that was probably why. Yes indeed.
Why was Emileeeeee even concerned about salads? Why would she even think about it lest have it recorded? Because salads almost sent her to therapy quite plain and simple. Yes therapy. Big time. Salads sometimes are notorious for that.:)
It started one fateful eve when Emileeeeee's mother made potatoe salad. Emileeeeee was ten and was just not cranking out the joy for it. In fact every time she put a forkful in her mouth, she gagged. So she tried many things, like stirring it around on her plate or hiding it under the decorative lettuce leaf. She sat there for an hour trying everything but finally her mother sent her to her room and made her take her plate with her.
Ahh "the plate to the bedroom trick". Yes, Emileeeeee had heard tales of this said punishment but had never experienced it. She had heard rumours of starving children in Africa from her parents but they had never issued out such a consequence as this.
It was 6 pm when she went to her room with her plate, with the salad upon it that smelled like feet. She could hear the other kids playing and could hear lawnmowers going in the distance. She wanted to be free. Yes free. Free as a gust a wind running around the yard and not gagging on potatoe salad.
Her mother and her grandmother were fans of "the salad". Her grandmother would call out on a summer Saturday morning to her grandfather working in the garden,
"Fred, could you bring me some fresh tomatoes so I can make a jellied Tomatoe Aspic for supper ?"
Her grandfather would smile and Emileeeeee would make choking noises thinking that her grandmother's recipe for EASY TOMATOE ASPIC would be sitting on the counter and her grandmother would ask her to help cut up the celery. Her grandmother would hum as she boiled those tomaotoes to death to add to lemon jello. She would serve it with a slice of lamb as it was to be served with meat. Then she would make her famous mint sauce to go with the lamb. She used fresh mint from the side of the house that cats, dogs and the homeless had peed on, and everyone would rave. Or how about that Red Hots Salad she made that was made out of candy red hots. She would lovingly add crushed pineapple, applesauce and cherry jello to the candy. Now there was another perfect addition to chicken. I think if the chicken was alive he would have been running "red hot" out of there.
It was 7:15 now, and Emileeeeee had not eaten even a spoonful of the salad that smelled of yucky feet. Her mother looked in on her and her plate and shut the door. She heard her walk away and talk about the starving children in Africa again. Yes, those starving kids would line up to eat two hour old, probably in-the-bacteria-developing-stage potatoe salad. Yes siree Bob. Emileeeeee wished those starving kids were there so she could just give them the plate and go out and play.
Emileeeeee thought about how strange it was that the starving children in Africa didn't exist in her grandmother's world. Her grandmother just gave her something else to eat and didn't know what she was talking about when Emileeeeee mentioned her mother's thoughts on world hunger. Her grandmother and her church group made quilts for needy children but she never saw them packing any salads in the box. But her grandmother did make her eat one monthly portion of liver. The last Friday of the month a huge piece of blubbering liver was placed on her plate at lunch time and she was expected to eat it. She did, of course, because her grandmother was a no-nonsense sort of lady and after she was finished, Grammy would sponge off the spots of liver juice from Emileeeeee's school tunic and send her off with a shot of cod liver oil. Those were glorious days.
It was 7:45 pm and Emilee's potatoe salad looked like a sea of milk with chunks floating around. She opened the window and threw some at the dog but even he would not eat it. He knew better and when he saw Emileeeeee looking down at him, she could swear he was laughing at her. She could hear her mother talking to her father in the living room and Emileeeee knew that she might not be able to sneak out to watch MY THREE SONS that night. Her sister was put to bed at eight and she had to go to bed at nine. When the theme song for MY THREE SONS came on she would quietly slither off the bed inch by inch.She would then slide down the linoleum floor hallway in her flannelette jammies until she could see the TV screen. There she would park herself and watch the show and then run, like no tomorrow, back to bed when it was over. Of course the show was full of commercials for salads. Jello, ringed, macaroni, you name it. It could not be a salad unless it had Kraft mayonaise in it and the mayonaise on Emileeeeee's plate was looking pretty "UnKrafty" at that point.
It was 7:55 and her sister Robin was being ushered into their shared bedroom. Her mother shot her a look that made Emileeeeeee shiver and took her plate away. Emileeeeee would not be playing that night as she was being sent to bed early. She laid there in the dark, thinking that if someone gave her one more salad, it would be time to pack her small brown suitcase and go to places unknown. Yes, places unknown that were free of greeneries.
At 9 pm she heard the MY THREE SONS theme song and slid down the hall. She heard her mother tell her father that if Emileeeeee would not eat salad, she was going to get rickets. Rickets? Where, oh where, was her mother getting her nutrional information from? She had heard teachers talk at school about some kids getting rickets because they didnt drink enough milk. Rickets indeed..I think not Mommie dearest..So Emileeeeee laid in the hall and tried not to breathe so they would not hear her. She just loved Mike, Fred McMurray's son and wanted to marry him. She would never, ever, serve him salads...They would live on love and A and P baked goods like Jellyrolls or Spice Bars. Well, maybe just lick the icing off the Spice Bars.
It was 9:30, the show was over and she slid back up the hall. She heard another Kraft commerical come on and her mother was talking excitedly about making it for dInner the next night. Was it mac n cheese? Was it spagetti?
Of course not..It was a recipe for another jellied salad called RING AROUND THE TUNA. Emileeeeee sighed. She knew what her fate would be. She would be sitting in her room after dinner, watching tuna grow old.
As she crawled up the hall and into bed she was determined never ever to have salads when she was old to decide for herself. If she got scurvy, rickets, polio or gosh-knows-whatever- mysterious symptom, she didn't care. No cottage cheese on iceberg lettuce with a half pear or peach in the middle. No dollop of Kraft Mayonaise in the middle of the peach or pear. She would drink Ginger Ale and would not add it to lime jello with fruit.
But as she started to fall asleep, she might let the Ambrosia Salad be in her world as it had all the food groups she loved.
2 cans pineapple chunks, drained
2 cans mandarin oranges, drained
2 jars maraschino, drained (MORE IF NEEDED )
1 can coconut flakes
1/2 bag mini marshmallows
4 oz. sour cream
16 oz. Cool Whip
Yes, she would go to therapy with a container of Ambrosia salad with her. After all, you really couldn't call it a salad, could you? Of course not. It was more like the candy store of "saladry". It was something the starving children of Africa would never enjoy. After all Ambrosia could never stand that heat..:)
Linda Seccaspina
copyright 2009
Savannah Devilles
Why was Emileeeeee even concerned about salads? Why would she even think about it lest have it recorded? Because salads almost sent her to therapy quite plain and simple. Yes therapy. Big time. Salads sometimes are notorious for that.:)
It started one fateful eve when Emileeeeee's mother made potatoe salad. Emileeeeee was ten and was just not cranking out the joy for it. In fact every time she put a forkful in her mouth, she gagged. So she tried many things, like stirring it around on her plate or hiding it under the decorative lettuce leaf. She sat there for an hour trying everything but finally her mother sent her to her room and made her take her plate with her.
Ahh "the plate to the bedroom trick". Yes, Emileeeeee had heard tales of this said punishment but had never experienced it. She had heard rumours of starving children in Africa from her parents but they had never issued out such a consequence as this.
It was 6 pm when she went to her room with her plate, with the salad upon it that smelled like feet. She could hear the other kids playing and could hear lawnmowers going in the distance. She wanted to be free. Yes free. Free as a gust a wind running around the yard and not gagging on potatoe salad.
Her mother and her grandmother were fans of "the salad". Her grandmother would call out on a summer Saturday morning to her grandfather working in the garden,
"Fred, could you bring me some fresh tomatoes so I can make a jellied Tomatoe Aspic for supper ?"
Her grandfather would smile and Emileeeeee would make choking noises thinking that her grandmother's recipe for EASY TOMATOE ASPIC would be sitting on the counter and her grandmother would ask her to help cut up the celery. Her grandmother would hum as she boiled those tomaotoes to death to add to lemon jello. She would serve it with a slice of lamb as it was to be served with meat. Then she would make her famous mint sauce to go with the lamb. She used fresh mint from the side of the house that cats, dogs and the homeless had peed on, and everyone would rave. Or how about that Red Hots Salad she made that was made out of candy red hots. She would lovingly add crushed pineapple, applesauce and cherry jello to the candy. Now there was another perfect addition to chicken. I think if the chicken was alive he would have been running "red hot" out of there.
It was 7:15 now, and Emileeeeee had not eaten even a spoonful of the salad that smelled of yucky feet. Her mother looked in on her and her plate and shut the door. She heard her walk away and talk about the starving children in Africa again. Yes, those starving kids would line up to eat two hour old, probably in-the-bacteria-developing-stage potatoe salad. Yes siree Bob. Emileeeeee wished those starving kids were there so she could just give them the plate and go out and play.
Emileeeeee thought about how strange it was that the starving children in Africa didn't exist in her grandmother's world. Her grandmother just gave her something else to eat and didn't know what she was talking about when Emileeeeee mentioned her mother's thoughts on world hunger. Her grandmother and her church group made quilts for needy children but she never saw them packing any salads in the box. But her grandmother did make her eat one monthly portion of liver. The last Friday of the month a huge piece of blubbering liver was placed on her plate at lunch time and she was expected to eat it. She did, of course, because her grandmother was a no-nonsense sort of lady and after she was finished, Grammy would sponge off the spots of liver juice from Emileeeeee's school tunic and send her off with a shot of cod liver oil. Those were glorious days.
It was 7:45 pm and Emilee's potatoe salad looked like a sea of milk with chunks floating around. She opened the window and threw some at the dog but even he would not eat it. He knew better and when he saw Emileeeeee looking down at him, she could swear he was laughing at her. She could hear her mother talking to her father in the living room and Emileeeee knew that she might not be able to sneak out to watch MY THREE SONS that night. Her sister was put to bed at eight and she had to go to bed at nine. When the theme song for MY THREE SONS came on she would quietly slither off the bed inch by inch.She would then slide down the linoleum floor hallway in her flannelette jammies until she could see the TV screen. There she would park herself and watch the show and then run, like no tomorrow, back to bed when it was over. Of course the show was full of commercials for salads. Jello, ringed, macaroni, you name it. It could not be a salad unless it had Kraft mayonaise in it and the mayonaise on Emileeeeee's plate was looking pretty "UnKrafty" at that point.
It was 7:55 and her sister Robin was being ushered into their shared bedroom. Her mother shot her a look that made Emileeeeeee shiver and took her plate away. Emileeeeee would not be playing that night as she was being sent to bed early. She laid there in the dark, thinking that if someone gave her one more salad, it would be time to pack her small brown suitcase and go to places unknown. Yes, places unknown that were free of greeneries.
At 9 pm she heard the MY THREE SONS theme song and slid down the hall. She heard her mother tell her father that if Emileeeeee would not eat salad, she was going to get rickets. Rickets? Where, oh where, was her mother getting her nutrional information from? She had heard teachers talk at school about some kids getting rickets because they didnt drink enough milk. Rickets indeed..I think not Mommie dearest..So Emileeeeee laid in the hall and tried not to breathe so they would not hear her. She just loved Mike, Fred McMurray's son and wanted to marry him. She would never, ever, serve him salads...They would live on love and A and P baked goods like Jellyrolls or Spice Bars. Well, maybe just lick the icing off the Spice Bars.
It was 9:30, the show was over and she slid back up the hall. She heard another Kraft commerical come on and her mother was talking excitedly about making it for dInner the next night. Was it mac n cheese? Was it spagetti?
Of course not..It was a recipe for another jellied salad called RING AROUND THE TUNA. Emileeeeee sighed. She knew what her fate would be. She would be sitting in her room after dinner, watching tuna grow old.
As she crawled up the hall and into bed she was determined never ever to have salads when she was old to decide for herself. If she got scurvy, rickets, polio or gosh-knows-whatever- mysterious symptom, she didn't care. No cottage cheese on iceberg lettuce with a half pear or peach in the middle. No dollop of Kraft Mayonaise in the middle of the peach or pear. She would drink Ginger Ale and would not add it to lime jello with fruit.
But as she started to fall asleep, she might let the Ambrosia Salad be in her world as it had all the food groups she loved.
2 cans pineapple chunks, drained
2 cans mandarin oranges, drained
2 jars maraschino, drained (MORE IF NEEDED )
1 can coconut flakes
1/2 bag mini marshmallows
4 oz. sour cream
16 oz. Cool Whip
Yes, she would go to therapy with a container of Ambrosia salad with her. After all, you really couldn't call it a salad, could you? Of course not. It was more like the candy store of "saladry". It was something the starving children of Africa would never enjoy. After all Ambrosia could never stand that heat..:)
Linda Seccaspina
copyright 2009
Savannah Devilles
Monday, January 18, 2010
THE TALES OF EMILEEEEEE MCPHEEEEEE...GOLDEN BOY
Emileeeeee stopped celebrating New Year's Eve during her seventeenth year on this earth. That year she turned seventeen was so traumatic it cured her for life of participating in any celebrations. Well, maybe she did briefly in my nineteenth year. For exactly thirty three minutes. Yes, thirty three minutes and no more than that. That is the time it took to jam eleven people into a Mini Austin. It was snowing that night and people did need a ride home. Canadians are good like that.
For approximately four years in High School she loved a boy. He was no ordinary boy. He was 'THE" Golden Boy of Cowansville High School. Blonde, French Canadian and handsome as all get out. When he smiled, you could see the stars glimmer from his teeth and when he walked down the hall girls melted into puddles. Of course Emileeeeee had no chance ever of snaring this magnificent creature as she was about 102 pounds over weight. She smiled, She curled my hair, she used deodorant and he would never ever look her way. She was so huge he probably thought she was a school corridor column and not the girl that loved him.
Emileeeeee left school at age sixteen and went to Fashion Design School and all thoughts of Golden Boy left her head. She worked part time in a fashion store and also lost about a zillion pounds. Emileeeeee now had the wardrobe any Mod in the 60's would die for. That was probably one reason she lost so much weight. It was either food or clothes and the clothes won out hands down.
So New Year's Eve 1968 found her holding an invite to the coolest New Years Eve party around. It was held in the basement of an old A & P store in Granby, Quebec and she knew my old school chums would be there. Emileeeeee was so excited to see them and dressed very carefully. Black velvet "Twiggy" mini dress with a front zipper and white collar. Black fishnets and black patent cuban heel shoes with a big silver buckle on them.
Emileeeeee walked down the stairs slowly and into the make shift teen club. People's mouths dropped and screamed when they saw her. She took off my long black Dr Zhivago style midi coat carefully and slowly walked up to the dance floor in all her glory. She happily danced my feet off to a half dozen Creedance Cleerwater songs until she was a sweaty mess. To cool off, she went outside to get air and of course icicles started forming on her hair from the cold frigid air.
Emileeeeee di not smoke so she to tried to lean against the brick wall seductively while the icicles were quickly multiplying in her hair. Maybe, yes maybe just this once she could snag a guy to dance with me. Emileeeeee prayed silently, "Just this once God, before I die, let me dance with a real boy ".
Through the haze of cigarette smoke clouds and ice fog came this shadow approaching her. He was tall. He was lean and boy was he was blonde. Yes, dear readers it was Golden Boy. Golden Boy in all his glory was approaching me from 30 degrees north.
The icicles in her hair suddenly started to melt. She suddenly became tongue tied as he looked at her and then hugged her. Emileeeeee just couldn't savour this moment she had yearned for as sheI was too busy worrying if she stunk from perspiration.
He spoke. Yes, he spoke. He spoke in a low sexy voice that made the earth shatter and the heavens suddenly opened and my heart was beating on over drive,
"Emileeeeee you look just fabulous!"
Wait, was he talking to someone else? She looked around and saw no one, so yes he was talking to her. More icicles started to melt from her hair.
He grabbed her hand and they went inside where they proceeded to slow dance. She could feel his heart beat and they were so close she could smell his Aqua Velva and his Gitanos. They proceeded to dance the rest of the night away and he rode home with me in the bus holding my hand tightly. The heavy snow had turned to a deadly freezing rain but he insisted on walking her home.
They walked up the short path to her house and up the handmade death defying wobbling concrete steps that were now a skating rink. He took her head in his hands and kissed her. In fact he kissed her a lot. Yes, he kissed her so much he wanted more. Instead of being in lust, angry thoughts suddenly flooded her brain. Thoughts of how badly he had treated her, in the past. Emileeeeee suddenly started to rage that if she wasn't a 100 pounds thinner he wouldn’t be kissing her right now. So Emileeeeee got mad. She got SO mad she pushed him down the icy concrete steps. Yes, the same steps Emileeeeee had fallen down years ago and cracked her head open on. Golden Boy laid there and was knocked out. Knocked out good and cold, like the freezing rain that was coming down quickly. Emileeeeee smiled a sinister smile and called her father to drive him to the hospital. He was fine, except he had one problem. He was having a hard time remembering anything. He had temporary amnesia. For hours he could not remember what had happened to him. He somehow could not remember that he had 'slipped' and "somehow fallen "down the stairs. Everyone blamed the slippery conditions and no one even thought that a former chubby had given her 'all" that night. Yes, she had given her all for every other high school or college girl that had loved a Golden Boy once in her life and was treated badly.
So after that Emileeeeeee never really celebrated New Years Eve. She decided what happened that night was enough for her. You only get once chance sometimes in life, and that was it. So every New Year’s Eve Emileeeeee celebrates with Dick Clark and remembers and when she see's his name on Classmates.com, she smiles. Yes, smile. That same sinister smile the night Golden Boy became not so golden and 'slipped' down the wobbily concrete stairs. Bet after fourty years he isn’t so golden anymore .Frankly I bet he is a tad tarnished.
HAPPY NEW YEARS GOLDEN BOY
lINDA SECCASPINA
COPYRIGHT 2010
For approximately four years in High School she loved a boy. He was no ordinary boy. He was 'THE" Golden Boy of Cowansville High School. Blonde, French Canadian and handsome as all get out. When he smiled, you could see the stars glimmer from his teeth and when he walked down the hall girls melted into puddles. Of course Emileeeeee had no chance ever of snaring this magnificent creature as she was about 102 pounds over weight. She smiled, She curled my hair, she used deodorant and he would never ever look her way. She was so huge he probably thought she was a school corridor column and not the girl that loved him.
Emileeeeee left school at age sixteen and went to Fashion Design School and all thoughts of Golden Boy left her head. She worked part time in a fashion store and also lost about a zillion pounds. Emileeeeee now had the wardrobe any Mod in the 60's would die for. That was probably one reason she lost so much weight. It was either food or clothes and the clothes won out hands down.
So New Year's Eve 1968 found her holding an invite to the coolest New Years Eve party around. It was held in the basement of an old A & P store in Granby, Quebec and she knew my old school chums would be there. Emileeeeee was so excited to see them and dressed very carefully. Black velvet "Twiggy" mini dress with a front zipper and white collar. Black fishnets and black patent cuban heel shoes with a big silver buckle on them.
Emileeeeee walked down the stairs slowly and into the make shift teen club. People's mouths dropped and screamed when they saw her. She took off my long black Dr Zhivago style midi coat carefully and slowly walked up to the dance floor in all her glory. She happily danced my feet off to a half dozen Creedance Cleerwater songs until she was a sweaty mess. To cool off, she went outside to get air and of course icicles started forming on her hair from the cold frigid air.
Emileeeeee di not smoke so she to tried to lean against the brick wall seductively while the icicles were quickly multiplying in her hair. Maybe, yes maybe just this once she could snag a guy to dance with me. Emileeeeee prayed silently, "Just this once God, before I die, let me dance with a real boy ".
Through the haze of cigarette smoke clouds and ice fog came this shadow approaching her. He was tall. He was lean and boy was he was blonde. Yes, dear readers it was Golden Boy. Golden Boy in all his glory was approaching me from 30 degrees north.
The icicles in her hair suddenly started to melt. She suddenly became tongue tied as he looked at her and then hugged her. Emileeeeee just couldn't savour this moment she had yearned for as sheI was too busy worrying if she stunk from perspiration.
He spoke. Yes, he spoke. He spoke in a low sexy voice that made the earth shatter and the heavens suddenly opened and my heart was beating on over drive,
"Emileeeeee you look just fabulous!"
Wait, was he talking to someone else? She looked around and saw no one, so yes he was talking to her. More icicles started to melt from her hair.
He grabbed her hand and they went inside where they proceeded to slow dance. She could feel his heart beat and they were so close she could smell his Aqua Velva and his Gitanos. They proceeded to dance the rest of the night away and he rode home with me in the bus holding my hand tightly. The heavy snow had turned to a deadly freezing rain but he insisted on walking her home.
They walked up the short path to her house and up the handmade death defying wobbling concrete steps that were now a skating rink. He took her head in his hands and kissed her. In fact he kissed her a lot. Yes, he kissed her so much he wanted more. Instead of being in lust, angry thoughts suddenly flooded her brain. Thoughts of how badly he had treated her, in the past. Emileeeeee suddenly started to rage that if she wasn't a 100 pounds thinner he wouldn’t be kissing her right now. So Emileeeeee got mad. She got SO mad she pushed him down the icy concrete steps. Yes, the same steps Emileeeeee had fallen down years ago and cracked her head open on. Golden Boy laid there and was knocked out. Knocked out good and cold, like the freezing rain that was coming down quickly. Emileeeeee smiled a sinister smile and called her father to drive him to the hospital. He was fine, except he had one problem. He was having a hard time remembering anything. He had temporary amnesia. For hours he could not remember what had happened to him. He somehow could not remember that he had 'slipped' and "somehow fallen "down the stairs. Everyone blamed the slippery conditions and no one even thought that a former chubby had given her 'all" that night. Yes, she had given her all for every other high school or college girl that had loved a Golden Boy once in her life and was treated badly.
So after that Emileeeeeee never really celebrated New Years Eve. She decided what happened that night was enough for her. You only get once chance sometimes in life, and that was it. So every New Year’s Eve Emileeeeee celebrates with Dick Clark and remembers and when she see's his name on Classmates.com, she smiles. Yes, smile. That same sinister smile the night Golden Boy became not so golden and 'slipped' down the wobbily concrete stairs. Bet after fourty years he isn’t so golden anymore .Frankly I bet he is a tad tarnished.
HAPPY NEW YEARS GOLDEN BOY
lINDA SECCASPINA
COPYRIGHT 2010
THE TALES OF EMILEEEEEE MCPHEEEEEE....THIN
So on the hottest day of July in the year of 1951, Emileeeeee McPheeeeee was born. Tales of a difficult birth were told for years but one thing that was told over and over was that she was born round. So round that if she fell down she could almost roll down the hill to the bottom. Her mother put red frilly dresses on her; so frilly she shone like the sun. Sometimes people thought she was the sun. Maybe she was the sun. Her grandmother, not caring for the colour red, put brown dresses on her all the time. Sometimes she looked like a Tollhouse chunky brownie. Maybe she was a chunky brownie. Well, she consumed enough of them.
At school Emileeeeee was teased for being round. The more she was teased, the rounder she got and the more she ate. She ate and ate and ate until she could not feel the pain anymore. After she ate until she could not consume another morsel, she would read.She would read and read and read and pretend she lived in a storybook. She felt safe in the storybook . In fact she was safe in all of the books and especially safe in the Sears catalogue. No one could hurt her there. No one would dare. Why? Because in the storybook she was Nancy Drew and Ned was her boyfriend and Ned would not let one hair on her head be harmed. Yes, she was Nancy Drew and that was a fact. A big fact. No one should ever dispute it. More about that later.
Emileeeeee never dated like the other girls but she really liked this boy who looked like Howdy Doody. In her books that she read and read and read, he became her prince. He was THE prince, HER prince that would take away the pain. One night she gathered up great courage and went to the school dance wearing a beehive hairdo, a gray pleated skirt and a gray sweatshirt. It was the best she could do. She didn't want to look like the sun after all. Nor a chunky brownie.
Slowly she walked down to the corner where he sat with the other boys and with a small tiny voice she asked him to dance. He said no very loudly and he and all the other boys started to laugh and laugh and laugh. Emileeeeee slowly turned around and walked and walked and walked out the gymnasium door, out the front door and her feet didn't stop until she reached her house and she slammed the door shut.
One day Emileeeeee found out that if you did not eat you could get thin. So for days and days and days she did not eat. She got so small her grandmother pleaded with her to eat. Emileeeeee did not care. She was thin now and all those boys that had laughed at her liked her now. Someone liked her, actually people LOVED her and that is all she cared about. She even got the cutest boy in school to dance with her and walk her home. He kissed her and kissed her at her front door and she was over the moon. She was almost OVER the moon until she found out he wanted things she did not know about. So she booted him over the moon, well actually, down the snowy concrete stairs. In fact, if she could have dug a hole in the snow and left him there, she would have.His name was Golden Boy.
One day someone wanted to marry her but he did not really love Emileeeeee. He loved that Emileeeeee could work three jobs and send him to school. He was not the prince. He was definalty not THE prince in her story books. So Emily ate and ate and ate and the prince finally left. Good Riddance to the prince. Adieu..farewell...sayonara.
The princes came and went for years and years. Sometimes Emileeeeee would eat and eat and eat and then she found a new trick. If you threw up over and over you could be thin. So she worshipped and re-worshipped the porcelain throne until she was very thin. So thin she looked like a stick. Her hair was falling out and her heart pounded but she was thin. So thin ..so very thin..stick thin.
Emileeeeee tried for years to stay thin but she was dying, trying to be thin. One day she gave up and started to eat and eat and eat again. Sometimes you hurt so bad that nothing else helps. You can't bury the hurt, you can't kick it along. It lived in Emileeeeee. It ate Emileeeeee alive some days and story books could no longer take the hurt away.
One day Emileeeee gave up. She could not stay thin without hurting herself. She could not be like Barbie or Midge or Skipper. She could not be willow thin nor even semi-willow-thin. Even semi-willow-thin was not good enough. Not good enough at all!
One day Emileeeeee was hurting so bad she opened one of her old story books and pleaded with them to swallow her whole. Swallow her whole and stop the hurt.
The very next day someone came to see Emileeeeee and couldn't find her. They looked and looked and looked and thought she was gone. They called and called and called her name over and over and over. They kept searching and searching and searching and finally they looked under the bed and there, laying on top of page 39 was Emileeeeee She was smiling and smiling and smiling. And yes in her dreams asleep on page 39..she was thin...So very thin..
Linda Seccaspina
copyright 2010
At school Emileeeeee was teased for being round. The more she was teased, the rounder she got and the more she ate. She ate and ate and ate until she could not feel the pain anymore. After she ate until she could not consume another morsel, she would read.She would read and read and read and pretend she lived in a storybook. She felt safe in the storybook . In fact she was safe in all of the books and especially safe in the Sears catalogue. No one could hurt her there. No one would dare. Why? Because in the storybook she was Nancy Drew and Ned was her boyfriend and Ned would not let one hair on her head be harmed. Yes, she was Nancy Drew and that was a fact. A big fact. No one should ever dispute it. More about that later.
Emileeeeee never dated like the other girls but she really liked this boy who looked like Howdy Doody. In her books that she read and read and read, he became her prince. He was THE prince, HER prince that would take away the pain. One night she gathered up great courage and went to the school dance wearing a beehive hairdo, a gray pleated skirt and a gray sweatshirt. It was the best she could do. She didn't want to look like the sun after all. Nor a chunky brownie.
Slowly she walked down to the corner where he sat with the other boys and with a small tiny voice she asked him to dance. He said no very loudly and he and all the other boys started to laugh and laugh and laugh. Emileeeeee slowly turned around and walked and walked and walked out the gymnasium door, out the front door and her feet didn't stop until she reached her house and she slammed the door shut.
One day Emileeeeee found out that if you did not eat you could get thin. So for days and days and days she did not eat. She got so small her grandmother pleaded with her to eat. Emileeeeee did not care. She was thin now and all those boys that had laughed at her liked her now. Someone liked her, actually people LOVED her and that is all she cared about. She even got the cutest boy in school to dance with her and walk her home. He kissed her and kissed her at her front door and she was over the moon. She was almost OVER the moon until she found out he wanted things she did not know about. So she booted him over the moon, well actually, down the snowy concrete stairs. In fact, if she could have dug a hole in the snow and left him there, she would have.His name was Golden Boy.
One day someone wanted to marry her but he did not really love Emileeeeee. He loved that Emileeeeee could work three jobs and send him to school. He was not the prince. He was definalty not THE prince in her story books. So Emily ate and ate and ate and the prince finally left. Good Riddance to the prince. Adieu..farewell...sayonara.
The princes came and went for years and years. Sometimes Emileeeeee would eat and eat and eat and then she found a new trick. If you threw up over and over you could be thin. So she worshipped and re-worshipped the porcelain throne until she was very thin. So thin she looked like a stick. Her hair was falling out and her heart pounded but she was thin. So thin ..so very thin..stick thin.
Emileeeeee tried for years to stay thin but she was dying, trying to be thin. One day she gave up and started to eat and eat and eat again. Sometimes you hurt so bad that nothing else helps. You can't bury the hurt, you can't kick it along. It lived in Emileeeeee. It ate Emileeeeee alive some days and story books could no longer take the hurt away.
One day Emileeeee gave up. She could not stay thin without hurting herself. She could not be like Barbie or Midge or Skipper. She could not be willow thin nor even semi-willow-thin. Even semi-willow-thin was not good enough. Not good enough at all!
One day Emileeeeee was hurting so bad she opened one of her old story books and pleaded with them to swallow her whole. Swallow her whole and stop the hurt.
The very next day someone came to see Emileeeeee and couldn't find her. They looked and looked and looked and thought she was gone. They called and called and called her name over and over and over. They kept searching and searching and searching and finally they looked under the bed and there, laying on top of page 39 was Emileeeeee She was smiling and smiling and smiling. And yes in her dreams asleep on page 39..she was thin...So very thin..
Linda Seccaspina
copyright 2010
THE TALES OF EMILEEEEEE MCPHEEEEEE ..KITTY KAT GIRLS
Emileeeee sat in the swing one day and closed her eyes and dreeamed of days gone by.She remembered the days she was back in school wearing her blue tunic. Her yelllow stained white blouse was not crisp, not white, not clean, just smelly. The cat had mistaken her uniform for a litter box last night and she had found it beside the toilet not smelling so hot. No, not like a rose, nor a carnation, nor daisy nor even a gladiola. She just smelled. Smelled like a garbage can, smelled like a litter box. She just smelllllllllllllllllled.
Since she only had one, and only the one, she had to wear it or the laws of the high school would come down on her. Come down on her hard. Come down on her strong. They would make her sit next to Dalton Granier, age 19, in the hall. Dalton was still in grade 8 and could not seem to pass. No, not grade one, nor two, nor even three, no not a one. It did not matter what grade it was, Dalton repeated his grade. Once, twice, thrice and then they just gave up and sent him on. Sent him on to another teacher for another few years. Emileeeeee never knew if he had learning problems or he just did not care. The fact that Dalton was dating girls from Grade 6 made her really wonder what his master plan was. Oh she knew what his master plan was. He KNEW what his master plan was.
So all day long Emileeeeee smelled like a kitty litter box. Emileeeeee decided she would try not to breathe all day. No, not breathe at all. Not one puff of air. She thought in her own small mind that if she did not breathe, people would not smell her. No not smell her at all. No, not one smell. No siree, never EVER. Except maybe the cat when she got home. Yes, he would figure it out. He was smart. Smarter than Dalton Granier. Dalton was not smart at all. But the cat was, and he did not date girls in grade 6. No, not at all.
She was forced with the rest of her class to watch the pretty 'kitty kat' girls try out for cheerleading in the gym. Every blonde headed girl was trying out except her. Emileeeeee had blonde hair but she wanted to be as blonde as the kitty cat girls because everyone loved them. So she dyed her hair. She went up to the Continental store every Friday night and bought a twenty nine cent bottle of peroxide and put it in her hair. Yes, every week. Every week without fail. Trying to look like a kitty kat girl, the perfect kitty kat girl. Every week she prayed she would miraculously look like them but forgetting she weighed 100 pounds more than 5 kitty kat girls put together. But her hair was blonde - almost white. It was white - white , VERY white, snow white. Surely someone would ask her to try out for the squad, because after all, her hair was blonde, magazine model blonde, no, kitty kat girl blonde.
Alas, no one ever asked her. She was never ever asked. Not even Dalton Granier tried to ask her out. She would never be a kitty kat girl.
Never, ever, ever.
The closest she would ever come to being a kitty kat girl was smelling like one. She would forever smell like that darn cat. That darn cat smell was foul.Foul.Foul.Foul.
So Emileeeeee decided if the kitty kat girls did not want her to cheer she would seek her own team. She would seek far, she would seek near, and she would find her own darn team. And she did. Yes SHE DID.
On the outskirts of town she found a very small group of girls.They cheered by the railroad tracks and were a broken down team. They were small, they were tall, and bottles of peroxide were strewn all about. They smiled when they saw her, they gestured really hard. They wanted her to try out, to cheer, to become part of the fat cat squad.
Emileeeeee may have been large but she did have the beat. She had the beat down pat. She cheered with the best, she jumped tall in the air. She was good and they knew it and was loved by the fat cat squad. The team that they cheered for was a broken down team. They had never won a game, no not a one, but Emileeeeee loved them and missed not one game. It did not matter that she looked different, yes different from the rest. You see, there was not one uniform anywhere that fit her in the west - or any other direction for that matter. They had looked long, they had looked far. So, they had to take two uniforms and sew them together. But that did not matter, they did not care, for Emileeeeeee was the best. The best cheerleader they ever had.
The fateful day came; there was no turning back. They had to cheer against the kitty kat girls and there was no talking smack. So Emileeeeee and her team cheered long and they cheered hard. And there was not one bottle of peroxide amongst their pack. The kitty kat girls tried hard, as hard as they could. But there was no beating the girls. The girls from the fat cat squad.
So you see you can be large and you can be small, but Emileeeeee proved that day that you do not need to be blonde to stand strong and stand tall.
Yes,kitty kat girls can be taken down. By doing your best, that's all that you need,and wishing them well. Godspeed.
The End
I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth
JANIS IAN "AT SEVENTEEN"
Linda Seccaspina
copyright 2010
SAVANNAH DEVILLES
Since she only had one, and only the one, she had to wear it or the laws of the high school would come down on her. Come down on her hard. Come down on her strong. They would make her sit next to Dalton Granier, age 19, in the hall. Dalton was still in grade 8 and could not seem to pass. No, not grade one, nor two, nor even three, no not a one. It did not matter what grade it was, Dalton repeated his grade. Once, twice, thrice and then they just gave up and sent him on. Sent him on to another teacher for another few years. Emileeeeee never knew if he had learning problems or he just did not care. The fact that Dalton was dating girls from Grade 6 made her really wonder what his master plan was. Oh she knew what his master plan was. He KNEW what his master plan was.
So all day long Emileeeeee smelled like a kitty litter box. Emileeeeee decided she would try not to breathe all day. No, not breathe at all. Not one puff of air. She thought in her own small mind that if she did not breathe, people would not smell her. No not smell her at all. No, not one smell. No siree, never EVER. Except maybe the cat when she got home. Yes, he would figure it out. He was smart. Smarter than Dalton Granier. Dalton was not smart at all. But the cat was, and he did not date girls in grade 6. No, not at all.
She was forced with the rest of her class to watch the pretty 'kitty kat' girls try out for cheerleading in the gym. Every blonde headed girl was trying out except her. Emileeeeee had blonde hair but she wanted to be as blonde as the kitty cat girls because everyone loved them. So she dyed her hair. She went up to the Continental store every Friday night and bought a twenty nine cent bottle of peroxide and put it in her hair. Yes, every week. Every week without fail. Trying to look like a kitty kat girl, the perfect kitty kat girl. Every week she prayed she would miraculously look like them but forgetting she weighed 100 pounds more than 5 kitty kat girls put together. But her hair was blonde - almost white. It was white - white , VERY white, snow white. Surely someone would ask her to try out for the squad, because after all, her hair was blonde, magazine model blonde, no, kitty kat girl blonde.
Alas, no one ever asked her. She was never ever asked. Not even Dalton Granier tried to ask her out. She would never be a kitty kat girl.
Never, ever, ever.
The closest she would ever come to being a kitty kat girl was smelling like one. She would forever smell like that darn cat. That darn cat smell was foul.Foul.Foul.Foul.
So Emileeeeee decided if the kitty kat girls did not want her to cheer she would seek her own team. She would seek far, she would seek near, and she would find her own darn team. And she did. Yes SHE DID.
On the outskirts of town she found a very small group of girls.They cheered by the railroad tracks and were a broken down team. They were small, they were tall, and bottles of peroxide were strewn all about. They smiled when they saw her, they gestured really hard. They wanted her to try out, to cheer, to become part of the fat cat squad.
Emileeeeee may have been large but she did have the beat. She had the beat down pat. She cheered with the best, she jumped tall in the air. She was good and they knew it and was loved by the fat cat squad. The team that they cheered for was a broken down team. They had never won a game, no not a one, but Emileeeeee loved them and missed not one game. It did not matter that she looked different, yes different from the rest. You see, there was not one uniform anywhere that fit her in the west - or any other direction for that matter. They had looked long, they had looked far. So, they had to take two uniforms and sew them together. But that did not matter, they did not care, for Emileeeeeee was the best. The best cheerleader they ever had.
The fateful day came; there was no turning back. They had to cheer against the kitty kat girls and there was no talking smack. So Emileeeeee and her team cheered long and they cheered hard. And there was not one bottle of peroxide amongst their pack. The kitty kat girls tried hard, as hard as they could. But there was no beating the girls. The girls from the fat cat squad.
So you see you can be large and you can be small, but Emileeeeee proved that day that you do not need to be blonde to stand strong and stand tall.
Yes,kitty kat girls can be taken down. By doing your best, that's all that you need,and wishing them well. Godspeed.
The End
I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth
JANIS IAN "AT SEVENTEEN"
Linda Seccaspina
copyright 2010
SAVANNAH DEVILLES
THE TALES OF EMILEEEEEE MCPHEEEEEE...OLD WIVES TAYLES
Whenever Emileeeeee went on a picnic that was even remotely near a lake she was told to NEVER EVER go swimming for at least an hour or you were going to have cramps and die. Emileeeeee was told that maybe three or four or maybe even twenty seven times at least. YES, AT LEAST TWENTY SEVEN TIMES. Every time Emileeeeee was read the riot act about swimming, this little black cloud always formed inside of her, wanting to defy this whole big pile of bunk. A pile of bunk indeed.
One Sunday, Emileeeeee and her family drove down to St Albans, VT for the day and sure enough, after they ate, her mother started the whole no-swimming-for-an-hour lecture. She started when they left the house. She continued when they drove. She didnt end even when they got there. She just went on and on and on. Emileeeeee waited for about 10 minutes after she ate lunch and told everyone she was going to gather shells by the water.In the distance, she heard her mother say,
"Emileeeeee Mcpheeeeee, don't you dare go in that water."
Emileeeeee was just smiling to herself knowing full well she was going to defy the laws of her mother's nature that day. Okay, truth be told, she was scared and she did inch her toes into the water very slowly. Very slowly VERY slowly. Suddenly she was up to her ankles and she swore she had this huge stomach pang coming on. Maybe they were right and Emileeeeee backed out of the water quickly. Very quickly indeed.
She had two voices in her head telling her what to do. One said, "Go in, go in Emileeeeee' the other said, 'you're going to die Emileeeeee". Ahh to heck with it and she ran in up to her calves. No stomach pains! No stomach pains at all. They were all wrong! They were SO wrong! So she went in up to her knees, of course always on the lookout for fish that might bite her toes off. Emileeeeee hated fish.She did not trust fish..Did not trust them at all. Did not trust them indeed.
Suddenly there was loud yelling. Loud yelling was all about. There, on her right was a man pulling this boy out of the water who was just screaming his head off. Screaming so loudly they probably heard him in Lake Placid that day. In fact, word was they heard him way up in Smugglers' Notch. That and the roar of noisily moving water and Emileeeeee's mother just about having a cow on shore, brought her in pretty darn quick. The boy was carried way out and people were saying it was probably because he went swimming after eating. Yes, he swam after he ate. Sitting outside page 41 of the story book, Emileeeeee pretty well assumed the kid had a stomach ache, swallowed some water, or some fish bit his toes. Sturgeon are notorious for toe bites, after all. She pondered that and Emileeeeee pondered some more. She pondered indeed. .
But, there was her mother, arms akimbo, with such a stern look on her face and saying firmly, "You see what happens if you go swimming after you eat, Emileeeeee McPheeeeee??"
Well today ,at age 58 with ten good years left,according to her family she smiled. She finally had the truth. You will not die if you go swimming right after lunch. Now that egg salad her mother put in the sandwiches that fermented on the two hour drive down there in the 90 degree weather, might have killed us all, but not the darn water. Not the water indeed.
Funny how these myths are not around anymore or are few and far between. Like one prime example was her friend Cindy who used to come down from Montreal once a month to visit her godmother Joan. When she came, they used to go swimming at the town swimming pool every afternoon. Every afternoon without fail. They would get there at 1:00 and stay there until 4:00. They really didn't swim a whole lot but jumped in and out of the pool feeling the chlorine stinging their eyes and trying to avoid the huge French kid who used to cannonball everyone. Especially Emileeee, how he loved to try and drown her. Then we would sit and eat pop rocks and drink soda pop defying the rumours that MIKEY, from the LIFE Cereal commercials had died doing the same thing. Emileeeeee knew that was a lot of hooie. Big hooie. Big hooie indeed. .
One day her godmother Joan and her mother were standing at the edge of the pool wringing their hands and looking like someone had died. Cindy was wrenched out of the pool and whisked away and wasn't seen again for months. Emileeeee asked every day what happened to her and no one would tell her. It was like Russian spies had whisked her off the face of the earth or some huge Sturgeoun had swallowed her whole. Yes, HUGE sturgeon. Years later Emileeeeee found out that Cindy had gotten her first period and of course in those days it was considered "the curse". The curse indeed.
No swimming, no moving, no smiling, no nothing, period; because of the period. And NO ONE spoke about it. Strange pieces of white elastic and HUGE blue boxes with the word 'Kotex', were hidden in the back of linen closets. Emileeeeee knew because she snooped. She loved to snoop. She found some strange books once in her father's bottom drawer all about sex. What that was about she did not know, but figured it probably had something to do with the blue boxes and long white strings of elastic. Yes,Blue boxes indeed..
Emileeeeee remembered her grandmother stopped baking bread and making jam when it was her time of the month, or 'the curse' as she called it. Bread apparently would not rise and jam would not thicken, according to the "higher up" females. They talked about it often around tea time at least once a week while sipping hot tea out of small fancy teacups and eating raspberry scones. Emileeeeee thought that she was now in the throes of eternal menopause and she still cant make jam nor raspberry scones. Can't make either. Indeed. .
Emileeeee was so relieved when she finally heard "the official word" from Charles Gibson on ABC news one day. It made Emileeeeee feel better to know these were only old wives tales, and bad ones at that. She finally knew that when she died after these upcoming ten good years that the coroners would not find that 7 pound ball of chewing gum in her stomach. Emileeeeee had been swallowing gum for almost 58 years and was always told that it would stay in her stomach and become a huge ball of gum. A huge ball of gum indeed. Maybe that's where all this extra weight she was carrying came from.It wasn't weight at all.It was just one huge ball of gum that probably weighed 50 pounds by now.Yes at least 50 pounds..50 pounds indeed.
Linda Seccaspina
copyright 2010
One Sunday, Emileeeeee and her family drove down to St Albans, VT for the day and sure enough, after they ate, her mother started the whole no-swimming-for-an-hour lecture. She started when they left the house. She continued when they drove. She didnt end even when they got there. She just went on and on and on. Emileeeeee waited for about 10 minutes after she ate lunch and told everyone she was going to gather shells by the water.In the distance, she heard her mother say,
"Emileeeeee Mcpheeeeee, don't you dare go in that water."
Emileeeeee was just smiling to herself knowing full well she was going to defy the laws of her mother's nature that day. Okay, truth be told, she was scared and she did inch her toes into the water very slowly. Very slowly VERY slowly. Suddenly she was up to her ankles and she swore she had this huge stomach pang coming on. Maybe they were right and Emileeeeee backed out of the water quickly. Very quickly indeed.
She had two voices in her head telling her what to do. One said, "Go in, go in Emileeeeee' the other said, 'you're going to die Emileeeeee". Ahh to heck with it and she ran in up to her calves. No stomach pains! No stomach pains at all. They were all wrong! They were SO wrong! So she went in up to her knees, of course always on the lookout for fish that might bite her toes off. Emileeeeee hated fish.She did not trust fish..Did not trust them at all. Did not trust them indeed.
Suddenly there was loud yelling. Loud yelling was all about. There, on her right was a man pulling this boy out of the water who was just screaming his head off. Screaming so loudly they probably heard him in Lake Placid that day. In fact, word was they heard him way up in Smugglers' Notch. That and the roar of noisily moving water and Emileeeeee's mother just about having a cow on shore, brought her in pretty darn quick. The boy was carried way out and people were saying it was probably because he went swimming after eating. Yes, he swam after he ate. Sitting outside page 41 of the story book, Emileeeeee pretty well assumed the kid had a stomach ache, swallowed some water, or some fish bit his toes. Sturgeon are notorious for toe bites, after all. She pondered that and Emileeeeee pondered some more. She pondered indeed. .
But, there was her mother, arms akimbo, with such a stern look on her face and saying firmly, "You see what happens if you go swimming after you eat, Emileeeeee McPheeeeee??"
Well today ,at age 58 with ten good years left,according to her family she smiled. She finally had the truth. You will not die if you go swimming right after lunch. Now that egg salad her mother put in the sandwiches that fermented on the two hour drive down there in the 90 degree weather, might have killed us all, but not the darn water. Not the water indeed.
Funny how these myths are not around anymore or are few and far between. Like one prime example was her friend Cindy who used to come down from Montreal once a month to visit her godmother Joan. When she came, they used to go swimming at the town swimming pool every afternoon. Every afternoon without fail. They would get there at 1:00 and stay there until 4:00. They really didn't swim a whole lot but jumped in and out of the pool feeling the chlorine stinging their eyes and trying to avoid the huge French kid who used to cannonball everyone. Especially Emileeee, how he loved to try and drown her. Then we would sit and eat pop rocks and drink soda pop defying the rumours that MIKEY, from the LIFE Cereal commercials had died doing the same thing. Emileeeeee knew that was a lot of hooie. Big hooie. Big hooie indeed. .
One day her godmother Joan and her mother were standing at the edge of the pool wringing their hands and looking like someone had died. Cindy was wrenched out of the pool and whisked away and wasn't seen again for months. Emileeeee asked every day what happened to her and no one would tell her. It was like Russian spies had whisked her off the face of the earth or some huge Sturgeoun had swallowed her whole. Yes, HUGE sturgeon. Years later Emileeeeee found out that Cindy had gotten her first period and of course in those days it was considered "the curse". The curse indeed.
No swimming, no moving, no smiling, no nothing, period; because of the period. And NO ONE spoke about it. Strange pieces of white elastic and HUGE blue boxes with the word 'Kotex', were hidden in the back of linen closets. Emileeeeee knew because she snooped. She loved to snoop. She found some strange books once in her father's bottom drawer all about sex. What that was about she did not know, but figured it probably had something to do with the blue boxes and long white strings of elastic. Yes,Blue boxes indeed..
Emileeeeee remembered her grandmother stopped baking bread and making jam when it was her time of the month, or 'the curse' as she called it. Bread apparently would not rise and jam would not thicken, according to the "higher up" females. They talked about it often around tea time at least once a week while sipping hot tea out of small fancy teacups and eating raspberry scones. Emileeeeee thought that she was now in the throes of eternal menopause and she still cant make jam nor raspberry scones. Can't make either. Indeed. .
Emileeeee was so relieved when she finally heard "the official word" from Charles Gibson on ABC news one day. It made Emileeeeee feel better to know these were only old wives tales, and bad ones at that. She finally knew that when she died after these upcoming ten good years that the coroners would not find that 7 pound ball of chewing gum in her stomach. Emileeeeee had been swallowing gum for almost 58 years and was always told that it would stay in her stomach and become a huge ball of gum. A huge ball of gum indeed. Maybe that's where all this extra weight she was carrying came from.It wasn't weight at all.It was just one huge ball of gum that probably weighed 50 pounds by now.Yes at least 50 pounds..50 pounds indeed.
Linda Seccaspina
copyright 2010
THE TALES OF EMILEEEEEE MCPHEEEEEE.. MOTHER
Emileeeeee hated her mother for the little time she was on this earth. Okay, Emileeeeee didn't really like using the word'hate.' Let's just say she did not care for her. A shame, yes indeed, but she never cared for her mother. And that was a shame. A big darn shame.
Emileeeeee's mother's name was Bernice. No,it was more hideous than that. It was Bernice Ethelyne. But everyone called her Bunny. Yes,just Bunny. Bernice's mother was just one of her grandfather's wives. Some of them did not live that long, some of them chose not to live with him anymore. She never knew what was wrong with the man. Emileeeeee thought that anyone that brought her a Davy Crockett hat and birthday cake should be okay. Or was he? And the Jesus Classic Comics he brought her when she got hit by a car. Surely that made him a good man. Or was he?
But the grandmothers came and went. Some even came to church and sat behind her and her "good" grandmother Mary Deller Knight and wanted to know if he had any money kicking around after he died. They even asked to come over for lunch. Mary Deller Knight took care of that.She took care of that quite quickly. They never came around again. NO siree,never ever again.
Emileeeeee wondered why she did not care for her mother. What had she done?
Everyone loved her. Yes, everyone loved her except Emileeeeee.
If anyone could have ever been picked someone for the "good girls" team, that was her mother. She suffered so much and never ever complained. Not once..not ever. Not ever.
Emileeeeee complained a lot. She was never happy. But her mother just carried on. Maybe that was why she didnt like her? Because she just carried on? Maybe.
Bunny, at age 14, was a knock-out. Rita Hayworth hair, very tall and very slim. She was very slim. Movie star slim. While she was beautiful on the outside she was very sick on the inside. She got tuberculosis and lost a lung and at age 15 was sent to a sanitorium in the Laurentians. She stayed there for three years and one of the wives burned her clothes and sold her beloved piano as she said she would never be back. Is that why Emileeeeee didn't like her because she only had one lung and Emileeeeee had two? Maybe.
At 18, she was as well as she could be and at 20 met Emileeeeee's father. She met him in the Post Office and it was said to be love at first sight. She was so beautiful, tall and slim. Is that why Emileeeeee didnt care for her? Because she was so beautiful? Movie star beautiful? Maybe.
At 21 she had Emileeeeeee and the rest has been documented in history. After the birth she was whisked away to a place that was not nice. It was not beautiful, not movie star beautiful,not nice at all. It was a dark horrible place. For almost three years she did not know who anyone was. No one at all. They medicated her, and they shocked her every week. No matter what they did, she could not remember. She did not want to remember. Is that why Emileeeeee didnt like her because she couldnt remember? Maybe.
At age 24 Bunny came out into the sunshine for the first time in years. She laughed, she cried, and she made cakes with nuclear frosting. She was happy,too happy, scary happy. She had decided that Emileeeeee would have to do everything she never did. A crash course, one might say, in life. Was that why Emileeeeee never liked her? Was it because in the years that she was well, as well as she could be, that Emileeeee was forced to be everything her mother wanted to be? The piano lessons, the ballet lessons, the perfect clothes, the singer that Emileeeeeee could never be? Maybe.
When her mother was 26, Emileeeeee's sister Robin, was born. Another hard birth, another pile of problems. Her sister was well but her mother was not. She was sick again, yes sick once again. Is that why Emileeeeee didnt like her? Because she was sick all the time and was never there? Maybe.
After that, her mother was in and sometimes she was out. They just did not know what was wrong. She never complained, she didn't seem to care. She knew there was nothing she could do except change doctors and pray. One cold New Years she was let out. She insisted we all go to the neighbours New years Eve party in the worst snow blizzard of the year. At 10 after 12 she could no longer feel her legs, she could not walk. Emileeeeee's father thought the glass of sherry had made her numb. After the minute, that second in time, Bunny could no longer walk. Is that why Emileeeeee didnt like her? Because maybe that glass of sherry had made her legs numb? Maybe.
For six long years Bunny fought and she struggled. She had braces on her legs, operations on her spine, and God knows what else. She would sit on the stairs and try to get up. She wanted to walk, she wanted to live, and she never gave up. She played the piano for everyone and talked to kids with no arms and no legs. For that very year and the year after next. Thalidomide children filled the hospital to over-flow. Emileeeeee saw them every week and watched them in fright. All these poor kids tried to eat and walk with no arms and no legs, yet they wanted to live and they never gave up. Just like Emileeeeee's mother, NEVER ever once did she give up. Is that why she didnt like her? Because she never gave up? Maybe.
One Thursday morning her mother was let out for two days. Even though she was sick she said she needed to attend Emileeeeee's confirmation in church. In those days, it was viewed as the next step up in God's world. She ironed Emileeeeee's dress and burned her finger badly. She looked up at our neighbour who was helping her and showed her the fluid. It was oozing, it was yellow and sometimes green, it came out of her finger fast.It was the same fluid my Dad had to remove from her every night when she was home. She looked sadly at Meg Wilson and said,
" I am done.I am finally done."
She did not cry she not complain and she did not yell. Was that why Emileeeeee didn't like her because she never yelled? Maybe.
The next day was Friday and it was a sunny afternoon. Emileeeeee was waiting for the bell to ring at school to go get her hair done. She had her white dress, the photographer was booked, all was set for tonight and her mother was home.
At 3:17 there was a knock on the door. Her teacher talked quietly and came back into the room. She looked at Emileeeeee quite brightly and said,
"Emileeeeee dear, Reverend Peacock wants to take you home."
Emileeeeee never thought, she never did think it was wrong. She just got in the car and he drove herall teh way home. He stopped in front of her house and she was about to get out when he grabbed her by the coat and started yelling in her ear,
"Linda, are you a Christian?"
Emileeeeee thought it was the last question she needed to answer correctly before she got confirmed that night. She thought he had probably been asking everyone this question all day. So she had better answer it right. She said firmly and loudly,
"Yes."
He looked at her then and let her coat go free. He looked down at the floor and told her that her mother had died. All those years, all that pain. She had worked so hard to live and now she was gone... AGAIN. This time for good, yes it was final. She would never come back, no not ever.I s that why Emileeeeee didn't like her because she was gone, never to come back? Maybe.
That night nothing changed. Nothing was different. Her father "shipped her out" to the photographer and to her confirmation. She didn't want to go, she didn't want to be there. When people swarmed around her at church she could not hold back her tears. Her mother was gone, her mother had just died. Why was she here?
"Because that's what your mother would want,' my Dad cried.
He said that night, while she was at church, that he saw her mother at the front door while he layed on the couch. He said she was all in white and said just a few words. She told him,
"Arthur,everything is going to be all right."
So why did she tell him and why not Emileeeeee? Is that why Emileeeeee didn't like her because she knew. She knew that things would not be all right for Emileeeee for a very long while. A long long while and she didnt have the heart to tell her? Is that why Emileeeeee didnt like her? Because her mother knew? Maybe.
Twelve years ago Emileeeeeee was sad and she was very very sick. She went to bed with a fever and dreamed all night. At 2:30 am she saw her mother in that dream. She was walking down Albert street towards Emileeeeee just a few blocks away. She was tall and slim, movie star slim. She had her Rita Hayworth hair and her long blue coat. She was smiling and smiling and holding out her hand.
"Take my hand Emileeeeee, squeeze it real tight."
"Trust me, my dear daughter, everthing is going to be all right"
And with that Emileeeeee awoke and had tears coming down her face. No matter what she had done or what she had said, her mother still loved her no matter what. No matter what, no maybe's, no if's or what not's.
Her mother loved her and she was going to be all right. Maybe
Linda Seccaspina
copyright 2010
Emileeeeee's mother's name was Bernice. No,it was more hideous than that. It was Bernice Ethelyne. But everyone called her Bunny. Yes,just Bunny. Bernice's mother was just one of her grandfather's wives. Some of them did not live that long, some of them chose not to live with him anymore. She never knew what was wrong with the man. Emileeeeee thought that anyone that brought her a Davy Crockett hat and birthday cake should be okay. Or was he? And the Jesus Classic Comics he brought her when she got hit by a car. Surely that made him a good man. Or was he?
But the grandmothers came and went. Some even came to church and sat behind her and her "good" grandmother Mary Deller Knight and wanted to know if he had any money kicking around after he died. They even asked to come over for lunch. Mary Deller Knight took care of that.She took care of that quite quickly. They never came around again. NO siree,never ever again.
Emileeeeee wondered why she did not care for her mother. What had she done?
Everyone loved her. Yes, everyone loved her except Emileeeeee.
If anyone could have ever been picked someone for the "good girls" team, that was her mother. She suffered so much and never ever complained. Not once..not ever. Not ever.
Emileeeeee complained a lot. She was never happy. But her mother just carried on. Maybe that was why she didnt like her? Because she just carried on? Maybe.
Bunny, at age 14, was a knock-out. Rita Hayworth hair, very tall and very slim. She was very slim. Movie star slim. While she was beautiful on the outside she was very sick on the inside. She got tuberculosis and lost a lung and at age 15 was sent to a sanitorium in the Laurentians. She stayed there for three years and one of the wives burned her clothes and sold her beloved piano as she said she would never be back. Is that why Emileeeeee didn't like her because she only had one lung and Emileeeeee had two? Maybe.
At 18, she was as well as she could be and at 20 met Emileeeeee's father. She met him in the Post Office and it was said to be love at first sight. She was so beautiful, tall and slim. Is that why Emileeeeee didnt care for her? Because she was so beautiful? Movie star beautiful? Maybe.
At 21 she had Emileeeeeee and the rest has been documented in history. After the birth she was whisked away to a place that was not nice. It was not beautiful, not movie star beautiful,not nice at all. It was a dark horrible place. For almost three years she did not know who anyone was. No one at all. They medicated her, and they shocked her every week. No matter what they did, she could not remember. She did not want to remember. Is that why Emileeeeee didnt like her because she couldnt remember? Maybe.
At age 24 Bunny came out into the sunshine for the first time in years. She laughed, she cried, and she made cakes with nuclear frosting. She was happy,too happy, scary happy. She had decided that Emileeeeee would have to do everything she never did. A crash course, one might say, in life. Was that why Emileeeeee never liked her? Was it because in the years that she was well, as well as she could be, that Emileeeee was forced to be everything her mother wanted to be? The piano lessons, the ballet lessons, the perfect clothes, the singer that Emileeeeeee could never be? Maybe.
When her mother was 26, Emileeeeee's sister Robin, was born. Another hard birth, another pile of problems. Her sister was well but her mother was not. She was sick again, yes sick once again. Is that why Emileeeeee didnt like her? Because she was sick all the time and was never there? Maybe.
After that, her mother was in and sometimes she was out. They just did not know what was wrong. She never complained, she didn't seem to care. She knew there was nothing she could do except change doctors and pray. One cold New Years she was let out. She insisted we all go to the neighbours New years Eve party in the worst snow blizzard of the year. At 10 after 12 she could no longer feel her legs, she could not walk. Emileeeeee's father thought the glass of sherry had made her numb. After the minute, that second in time, Bunny could no longer walk. Is that why Emileeeeee didnt like her? Because maybe that glass of sherry had made her legs numb? Maybe.
For six long years Bunny fought and she struggled. She had braces on her legs, operations on her spine, and God knows what else. She would sit on the stairs and try to get up. She wanted to walk, she wanted to live, and she never gave up. She played the piano for everyone and talked to kids with no arms and no legs. For that very year and the year after next. Thalidomide children filled the hospital to over-flow. Emileeeeee saw them every week and watched them in fright. All these poor kids tried to eat and walk with no arms and no legs, yet they wanted to live and they never gave up. Just like Emileeeeee's mother, NEVER ever once did she give up. Is that why she didnt like her? Because she never gave up? Maybe.
One Thursday morning her mother was let out for two days. Even though she was sick she said she needed to attend Emileeeeee's confirmation in church. In those days, it was viewed as the next step up in God's world. She ironed Emileeeeee's dress and burned her finger badly. She looked up at our neighbour who was helping her and showed her the fluid. It was oozing, it was yellow and sometimes green, it came out of her finger fast.It was the same fluid my Dad had to remove from her every night when she was home. She looked sadly at Meg Wilson and said,
" I am done.I am finally done."
She did not cry she not complain and she did not yell. Was that why Emileeeeee didn't like her because she never yelled? Maybe.
The next day was Friday and it was a sunny afternoon. Emileeeeee was waiting for the bell to ring at school to go get her hair done. She had her white dress, the photographer was booked, all was set for tonight and her mother was home.
At 3:17 there was a knock on the door. Her teacher talked quietly and came back into the room. She looked at Emileeeeee quite brightly and said,
"Emileeeeee dear, Reverend Peacock wants to take you home."
Emileeeeee never thought, she never did think it was wrong. She just got in the car and he drove herall teh way home. He stopped in front of her house and she was about to get out when he grabbed her by the coat and started yelling in her ear,
"Linda, are you a Christian?"
Emileeeeee thought it was the last question she needed to answer correctly before she got confirmed that night. She thought he had probably been asking everyone this question all day. So she had better answer it right. She said firmly and loudly,
"Yes."
He looked at her then and let her coat go free. He looked down at the floor and told her that her mother had died. All those years, all that pain. She had worked so hard to live and now she was gone... AGAIN. This time for good, yes it was final. She would never come back, no not ever.I s that why Emileeeeee didn't like her because she was gone, never to come back? Maybe.
That night nothing changed. Nothing was different. Her father "shipped her out" to the photographer and to her confirmation. She didn't want to go, she didn't want to be there. When people swarmed around her at church she could not hold back her tears. Her mother was gone, her mother had just died. Why was she here?
"Because that's what your mother would want,' my Dad cried.
He said that night, while she was at church, that he saw her mother at the front door while he layed on the couch. He said she was all in white and said just a few words. She told him,
"Arthur,everything is going to be all right."
So why did she tell him and why not Emileeeeee? Is that why Emileeeeee didn't like her because she knew. She knew that things would not be all right for Emileeeee for a very long while. A long long while and she didnt have the heart to tell her? Is that why Emileeeeee didnt like her? Because her mother knew? Maybe.
Twelve years ago Emileeeeeee was sad and she was very very sick. She went to bed with a fever and dreamed all night. At 2:30 am she saw her mother in that dream. She was walking down Albert street towards Emileeeeee just a few blocks away. She was tall and slim, movie star slim. She had her Rita Hayworth hair and her long blue coat. She was smiling and smiling and holding out her hand.
"Take my hand Emileeeeee, squeeze it real tight."
"Trust me, my dear daughter, everthing is going to be all right"
And with that Emileeeeee awoke and had tears coming down her face. No matter what she had done or what she had said, her mother still loved her no matter what. No matter what, no maybe's, no if's or what not's.
Her mother loved her and she was going to be all right. Maybe
Linda Seccaspina
copyright 2010
THE TALES OF EMILEEEEEE MCPHEEEEEEE CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 1
Once upon a time there was a little girl called Emileeeeee McPheeeeee. She was basically raised alone with her sister, like small wolves. Fend for yourself, take any form of love where ever you can find it. "Just survive," the inner brain said, "and be what people want you to be. If you do not, people will not like you." Since there was very little love at her home except for her grandparents and a neighbour, she adopted many roles and acted many parts in order to survive. One must survive you know.
So Emileeeeee did whatever she could to grasp any form of love and appreciation she could get. One thing Emileeeeee had in her was love and compassion for her fellow humans. All of them. No one could take that away from her nor would she let them, no matter how much they tried. One person told her down the line that she was a master soul put back on earth to get it right this final time. It all made sense to her, because things, clearly, just were not right.
So as Emileeeeee got older she bought too many clothes; she was always 'on stage,' so to speak. She just was not who she really was but people did not know differently. They liked the "on stage" Emileeeeee a lot and Emileeeeee thought that if she introduced her real self to people they might not like her, so she just could not take that chance. After all, it was all about love and acceptance. Especially acceptance and yes, love too.
Years passed and Emileeeeee grew unhappier by the day. She had two rooms of clothes, forty three pair of shoes and sixty seven bras But even these clothes could not help her and she acquired horrible traits that were bizarrely accepted by the general public such as suicide attempts and eating disorders. Emileeeeee also got into situations where people would talk about her and take away her power. People love taking the away power. Oh yes they do. A lot.
Wallis Simpson once said, "You can neither be too rich or too thin", and people believed her. They lived by the rule and still do, and many people today still die from trying to be thin. Emileeeeee got into a lot of trouble trying to be thin and for decades she was killing herself trying to be something she would never be. If she could be thin, people would like her. That was never going to happen.
After years of having it all , one day she lost it all.
Suddenly Emileeeeee was forced to be something she had never been. HERSELF.
The real Emileeeeee had always been there, deep down, being kind to people and doing whatever she could to help her fellow humans. Each and every one of them.
A lot of people did not seem to warm up to the real Emileeeeee. She was plain and overweight but they seemed to forget that she still had the kindness she always had in her heart. That would never go away because that was the foundation of Emileeeeee.
Emileeeeee has nothing these days. No money, no clothes - nor does she want them. She no longer needs these things for people to like her as HERSELF. She just keeps the people around her who love her for being who she is. When people question where the old Emileeeeee went to, she smiles and shrugs her shoulders as HERSELF. She can finally be the REAL Emileeeeee and no one is ever going to take that power away again. After all, the old Emileeeeee , the "its all about ME" Emileeeeee, is finally dead and buried. Yes, she is buried with her two rooms of clothes, forty three pairs of shoes and sixty seven bras.
These are the tayles of Emileeeeee McPheeeeee. You know, we are really all Emileeeeee McPheeeeee's as her friend Dawn told her.
"Emileeeeee is not perfect, but perfect all the same."
Once upon a time there was a little girl called Emileeeeee McPheeeeee. She was basically raised alone with her sister, like small wolves. Fend for yourself, take any form of love where ever you can find it. "Just survive," the inner brain said, "and be what people want you to be. If you do not, people will not like you." Since there was very little love at her home except for her grandparents and a neighbour, she adopted many roles and acted many parts in order to survive. One must survive you know.
So Emileeeeee did whatever she could to grasp any form of love and appreciation she could get. One thing Emileeeeee had in her was love and compassion for her fellow humans. All of them. No one could take that away from her nor would she let them, no matter how much they tried. One person told her down the line that she was a master soul put back on earth to get it right this final time. It all made sense to her, because things, clearly, just were not right.
So as Emileeeeee got older she bought too many clothes; she was always 'on stage,' so to speak. She just was not who she really was but people did not know differently. They liked the "on stage" Emileeeeee a lot and Emileeeeee thought that if she introduced her real self to people they might not like her, so she just could not take that chance. After all, it was all about love and acceptance. Especially acceptance and yes, love too.
Years passed and Emileeeeee grew unhappier by the day. She had two rooms of clothes, forty three pair of shoes and sixty seven bras But even these clothes could not help her and she acquired horrible traits that were bizarrely accepted by the general public such as suicide attempts and eating disorders. Emileeeeee also got into situations where people would talk about her and take away her power. People love taking the away power. Oh yes they do. A lot.
Wallis Simpson once said, "You can neither be too rich or too thin", and people believed her. They lived by the rule and still do, and many people today still die from trying to be thin. Emileeeeee got into a lot of trouble trying to be thin and for decades she was killing herself trying to be something she would never be. If she could be thin, people would like her. That was never going to happen.
After years of having it all , one day she lost it all.
Suddenly Emileeeeee was forced to be something she had never been. HERSELF.
The real Emileeeeee had always been there, deep down, being kind to people and doing whatever she could to help her fellow humans. Each and every one of them.
A lot of people did not seem to warm up to the real Emileeeeee. She was plain and overweight but they seemed to forget that she still had the kindness she always had in her heart. That would never go away because that was the foundation of Emileeeeee.
Emileeeeee has nothing these days. No money, no clothes - nor does she want them. She no longer needs these things for people to like her as HERSELF. She just keeps the people around her who love her for being who she is. When people question where the old Emileeeeee went to, she smiles and shrugs her shoulders as HERSELF. She can finally be the REAL Emileeeeee and no one is ever going to take that power away again. After all, the old Emileeeeee , the "its all about ME" Emileeeeee, is finally dead and buried. Yes, she is buried with her two rooms of clothes, forty three pairs of shoes and sixty seven bras.
These are the tayles of Emileeeeee McPheeeeee. You know, we are really all Emileeeeee McPheeeeee's as her friend Dawn told her.
"Emileeeeee is not perfect, but perfect all the same."
THE TAYLES OF EMILEEEEEE MCPHEEEEEE PREFACE
PREFACE
I woke up this morning shaking from a horrible dream. Tiger Woods tried to hurt me twice during the night. The second time I held him down while someone called the police. I marveled at how thin his wrists were. How calm he was. Why didn't he try to fight me off? Why did he just lay there?
I remembered later in my dream that when the police came, they did not even charge him. He knew he was going to get away with it. Just like a lot of the characters from my life. They knew they could get away with it. They knew what ever bad behavior they were creating for me that I was no match for them. They knew I would just roll over and say, "It’s Okay!"
I start to sob uncontrollably and walked down the stairs. Yesterday when I came home and turned on the TV even Dr Oz told me quite frankly that I was going to have kidney failure and maybe die because of my high blood pressure. The feeling of not being in control of my life passed over the anger of Tiger not being arrested.
Every day I relive different parts of my life that will not go away. It's almost like the movie GROUNDHOG DAY. Every day I cry in my dreams from frustration of what people deemed was suitable behavior towards me. It isn't. I know that it was all very wrong but I could not stop them for a very long time.
It’s also January 1st once again. This time it's 2010 and I’m inching my way to the glorious age of 59. Every year I vow to lose weight and every year at this time I get on the scale and I have not lost one pound. Yesterday after seeing my neighbour with the “I swear” 7 inch across butt I have finally come to the realization that I will never be thin. Ever...No matter how hard I try or want it. People always tell me that if I really want it I can lose weight. Well, I really really want it and it has never seemed to happen and if it did I stayed thin for about 6 minutes.
I sit here and remember Cheryl, my oldest son's French teacher who died last week from cancer at age 46. She did not dwell on things. She carried on. She went with my friend Maureen and picked out cards for her daughter's future birthdays and graduation that she knew she would never see. My sister Robin died at 40, my mother at age 34. They all died so young yet they never ever ever gave up. None of them did. None of them dwelt on the hurt, the pain, or life, or Dr Oz.
So these writings are for people to learn from my experiences, and maybe to smile. Yes, to smile a lot. These things all happened in my life. Each and every one of them. I am still marching on. I am trying not to give up and be like the strong women I knew and know in my life. You must never give up either. As I told my friend Maureen, we still must keep on dancing. So I play James Blunt's song, "You're Beautiful" and I dance and dance and live on.
I woke up this morning shaking from a horrible dream. Tiger Woods tried to hurt me twice during the night. The second time I held him down while someone called the police. I marveled at how thin his wrists were. How calm he was. Why didn't he try to fight me off? Why did he just lay there?
I remembered later in my dream that when the police came, they did not even charge him. He knew he was going to get away with it. Just like a lot of the characters from my life. They knew they could get away with it. They knew what ever bad behavior they were creating for me that I was no match for them. They knew I would just roll over and say, "It’s Okay!"
I start to sob uncontrollably and walked down the stairs. Yesterday when I came home and turned on the TV even Dr Oz told me quite frankly that I was going to have kidney failure and maybe die because of my high blood pressure. The feeling of not being in control of my life passed over the anger of Tiger not being arrested.
Every day I relive different parts of my life that will not go away. It's almost like the movie GROUNDHOG DAY. Every day I cry in my dreams from frustration of what people deemed was suitable behavior towards me. It isn't. I know that it was all very wrong but I could not stop them for a very long time.
It’s also January 1st once again. This time it's 2010 and I’m inching my way to the glorious age of 59. Every year I vow to lose weight and every year at this time I get on the scale and I have not lost one pound. Yesterday after seeing my neighbour with the “I swear” 7 inch across butt I have finally come to the realization that I will never be thin. Ever...No matter how hard I try or want it. People always tell me that if I really want it I can lose weight. Well, I really really want it and it has never seemed to happen and if it did I stayed thin for about 6 minutes.
I sit here and remember Cheryl, my oldest son's French teacher who died last week from cancer at age 46. She did not dwell on things. She carried on. She went with my friend Maureen and picked out cards for her daughter's future birthdays and graduation that she knew she would never see. My sister Robin died at 40, my mother at age 34. They all died so young yet they never ever ever gave up. None of them did. None of them dwelt on the hurt, the pain, or life, or Dr Oz.
So these writings are for people to learn from my experiences, and maybe to smile. Yes, to smile a lot. These things all happened in my life. Each and every one of them. I am still marching on. I am trying not to give up and be like the strong women I knew and know in my life. You must never give up either. As I told my friend Maureen, we still must keep on dancing. So I play James Blunt's song, "You're Beautiful" and I dance and dance and live on.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)